And yet as I findmyself in this situation I too find it - difficult, it's not a physicalthing, it's more of a mental thing. I feel as though if I do this, urinateas a woman I'll be losing a big part of my masculinity. Easy to answer Iknow- 'Why did you do this then you fool?' Guess I didn't think I'd feel this way. I don't want to do this - I wantto be a guy again - but the time limit, I can't change back yet, I'm stuckthis way. I try and hold it but to no avail - I don't have the musclesdown there anymore. I cross my legs tight, if I still had my penis I couldhold on to it but I've got nothing - just a small hole - what can I do -block it? Admitting defeat I slip my jeans and panties down and sit.Nothing to do I just - release. I feel oddly degraded as I do, almost asif I can hear my former male self laughing at me. I finish and remember towipe. Soon I'm ready again. I decide to use my moms spare handbag to carrymy money etc. Soon I'm on my way to the centre of town.As I walked I. November 8If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?', I'm going to fUckin' throttle him. FUckin' heat!By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking fuckin' wet and I smell like baked cat!November 9Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my fuckin' arse was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and my fuckin' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!November 10Weather report! It might as well be a fuckin' recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and fuckin' sunny! It's been too hot to do anything for two fuckin' months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fuckin' place. Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the fuckin' pool.The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the fuckin'.
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